And here I was standing with a cigarette in my hand, it wasnt the cigarette i smoke everyday, it was different. Something was strange, this cigarette rested between the gaps of my fingers, as if it was specifically created to be there for me, I tried holding it long, I was scared to smoke it all, I wanted it to last, I saw people, I could see them clearly even when I was seeing them through the clouds of smoke I created, it was as if they were talking to me. The cigarette was getting shorter, ashes almost near my fingers, I had to drop it and I made a promise to it, I wont leave the clear view the smoke had created, my finger burnt, but it was okay, because this view had been implanted before me, nothing could take it away now and I’m making sure it doesnt go away by writing it all down.
I saw people, I heard them even when there was silence, they were moving their lips, they were talking but that was all noise, I heard what they were not saying. They all wanted to be someone they want to be and this heavy weight of chains was binding them to the earth. I have heard people talking that not everyone is blessed with the wings that others have, isnt it strange, how could Lord do this to us. what they are trying to say is God became partial and he loved few more over the others and hence decided and made sure that only a section will fly, a greater section will walk and the majority ones will swim through this utter garbage of waste. Its true nobody is born equal, they never will be and it sucks, its frustrating and it kills me because I dont have the answer for it. Lord gives everyone a choice, you gotta take it, think about it before its too late. Some have more than what they need so they start living their lives in quest of the things they dont have and die. Others create the things they want to have,fighting wars over this socially and economically unjust world we are living in. The creators eventually fail, well most of them fail and they find themselves swimming once again, back to dirt and quagmire. They never asked for a place to walk, they were fine with swimming, all they wanted was swimming in clearer water, the ones with wings can fly, they start walking, because flying was too over rated for them. The ones who were doing the walking started running, in hope of flying, hilarious it is indeed, they looked down to their feet, they were still touching the ground, so they jumped and tried jumping higher only to fall and start walking again, this time they walked like a cripple. Once again a minority section jumped high enough to catch the feet of the ones who were flying already, they grabbed their feet, licked it, tasted it and said it was tasty, it is what they always wanted and the flying ones as them to lick them more and carry on floating with them, the moment they turn to ground again the flying sections dumps most of those to the quagmire of rust and dirt, they find them at a level even below the others. In this small section there exists yet another fraction who were smart, confident, they had their minds set, they were not satisfied with licking their feet so they bit them, strong enough to cause the flying section bleed and they gradually chopped their wings and eneverated them, made them crawl and threw them off to that river of rust. One’s gain is another’s loss, so no matter what you try there is always gonna be sadness, all you would hope and wish and pray is to be on the side of gain and you’ll give yourself a reason for it, that you deserved it, you were given a challenge, you accepted it and you succeeded. Aren’t we cannibals, we despise the creatures who feed on their own species, we are following the same, we are no different.
I took the train, there were people inside, now I could hear what they were saying but it was all noise, suddenly there was no one, I was all alone in the compartment, I could see those chains, again, the were like handcuffs, restraining us from doing what we wanted to, from being what we wanted to, they were hanging down the ceiling as if they were there for our convenience but I couldn’t absorb any positive feelings out from it, I saw people again, their long faces, their hands which they intentionally stuck in those handcuffs attached to ceilings so that they could support them, they started talking again, their lips were not moving but I could hear them. There was this girl, she was the only girl I could see in the train, I couldn’t hear her, and the moment I tried focussing on her I couldn’t hear anyone, there was this peaceful silence, the sound of engines, the sound of moving train, the horns, the sound of wind all were getting subtracted one by one, this silence was killing me, I couldnt stay still, so I ran towards her, sounds in my head started a war, there were two sides, one said to get down the train the other said to follow this curiosity which this girl had created, I wanted to hear her talk, I wanted to see her face, I reached near her and she got me mesmerised, inebriated all by her proximity to me, my heart began pounding, indeed she was beautiful, there was no doubt in that, it felt like the train was accelerating and in another seconds it would take off, it would fly high, much higher than heaven’s peak. She didn’t move, not even her eyelids. There was this adrenaline rush which was creating friction in all my muscles and bones and this heat produced was enough to get the surrounding burn. There are no words that can be used to describe her and any attempt I take will only be an insult to this creation of God-The Almighty, she finally spoke rather whispered, her slow moving lips were causing me chills, there were beads of sweat dripping down her skin, the moment they lost contact with them they turned into pearls. She said it hurts her that our land of grace and prosperity is turning into dump. The concept of women being the symbol of prosperity and pride is long lost, there were tears in her eyes, I tried to wipe them but my hands weren’t so pure for this beautiful thing, a slightest touch would make my vessels burst, she wasn’t hurt physically, she made me shiver, she continued her voice became sharper and said why women were held responsible for the wrongs done to them, why do others hold the right to decide right and wrong for her, why couldn’t she follow her dreams, why was she bound with this illogical concept of women being the weak when majority of Indian population regard the Goddess Durga as the purest and mightiest form of God. I didnt have the answers to her, I tried to speak my lips couldnt move, it was only later that I realised I was being controlled by her, completely and her taking control over me was helping me maintain balance in this high speed train. Lastly she let me speak, everyman would have said that he is in love with her and would do anything for her, she knew of course that I wouldnt say that, even when I was completely into her. I said her I’ll change it all, I promised her I would, she smiled and hugged me, all the noises were back, I was irritated because I wanted this moment to last longer, I could feel the eyes staring at us, I could feel her frustration as if it was my own, people were talking, everyone was forcing their weird thoughts on us, she pushed me back, I asked her to make them all disappear, if not her then I would do that for her, I tried explaining her, the maths that I was carrying with me, the math to subtract all those useless variables from this social equations, I tried convincing her to not let others presence ruin us, even when we are nothing we are something and there was no way these good for nothing crap faces could do to us with their highly un-influential words but she pushed me, she had to push me because the power in me was not enough to curb them all, she had to push me because she couldn’t let me waste myself for these ‘heavy weights on earth’, I saw her disappear, the train was no more flying, it had fallen from the heights, she made sure I didnt lose my balance. I thought I was strong, my fundamentals were clear, I didnt care about what others thought, I had to do what I had to do, she made me feel so weak, there was no other thing as strong as her and there will never be, her disappearing image was like a message to me, it said ‘keep your promise to cause a change and you will find me again’. It was decided, I began right there I started chasing her not by following her but by keeping my promise to her.
I’m not sure when and I’m not sure how I will I get these jerks to stop making women uncomfortable, I seriously die inside when I hear that a girl wont do what she wants to because the society won’t let her do it, its a black mark on my pride. Maybe someday I will see that beautiful girl again and this time I’m not letting her disappear, I’ll be flying along with her wings spread wide.
- The Reluctant Cannibals (bookwilde.org)
- What Lurks in the Dark (26) (jayloyexten.wordpress.com)
- A Portrait of Empowerment (petitworldcitizen.com)